Anyways, in short, a few updates.
- I've been a fool. I've been thinking back a lot to what one of my closest friends said - (paraphrased) "thinking isn't the way you reflect God". I kind of took that as an insult, but I think I've learned the truth of it in some sense. For one, the knee-jerk reaction to my friend's constructive criticism should've alerted me that I might be a little oversensitive about the issue - and for what reason?
More so, my de facto response to not knowing a topic seems to be to learn about it enough to seem like I'm an expert. At one time, I think I was desperate to learn in order to genuinely come to a decision on some matters of faith. My resultant point of view diverged from that of my friends around me, and on a few topics, I found that I ended up far more educated and informed than most people. I think this quickly evolved into arrogance, with me needing to always feel like one of the intellectual elites among my circle of friends.
Luckily for me, I have friends whose callings to reflect God DO seem to be through intellectual pursuits. I think I've embarrassed myself around them enough to be alerted to my own folly. - I'm getting used to Austin. I'm nowhere near the social butterfly (or popular guy) I was at Rice, but I'm getting more adjusted to Austin and the fact that I can be happy just as the average Joe here. There's so many people here that it'd be impossible to meet them all, but most people seem content with a smaller group of friends. I've gotten used to that, and I feel like I'm getting more plugged in to my church, Vox Veniae. I'm grateful for the people there and the chances I get to serve.
That said, it seems kind of difficult for me to find a group of people that I consistently see and share my life with. I feel like, out of all the guys in CCF, I somehow became the one who was closed off. So, I'm hoping to 1) learn how to commit better to relationships in Austin (which is a bit diff from Houston, it seems), and 2) find opportunities to do so (i.e. find people). - I'm getting older. Not to lament my age, but being older and out of college seems to have awakened me to the idea that I'm at the last stage of my life (in some sense). There's childhood, primary education, college, and then work. Somehow, I thought I'd have it figured out by now. Faith, purpose, love (yikes - no experience here), identity, but really, I think that the assumption that these things would just work themselves out as I got older has kept me from really digging in and developing each of them. Perhaps that's not as uncommon as we think; after all, we kids often aren't expected to grow up until after our college playtime.
I think that more and more, I feel like regardless of age, so many people don't have it figured out. Given my experience with adults growing up, I had imagined that the average person knows where he or she's going by 30, but I've met so many counterexamples in Austin that show me otherwise. It's a bit scary to know things don't magically work out regardless of what we do (gasp! consequences!), though as I realize this, I can feel myself trying to take life more seriously as well. - I'm improving! To put a positive spin on things, I have to admit, it's nice to be improving on things while I'm here too =). A few things I feel like I've improved on while in Austin
- Cooking - I used to be able to make good dishes. Inconsistently. More so now, I feel like I can whip up a meal without too much effort
- Songwriting - I joined a band in the CAM dept, which has definitely pushed me musically. Likewise, Vox Veniae has opened my ears to a whole new world of music. I hope I'm right in claiming my songwriting has expanded a bit too =). Once I'm over my cold, I hope to record vocals and put some new songs up.
- Handyman(-ing?) - I've learned basics of fixing/maintaining my bike, running sound, keeping the house clean, even maintaining my car (a little). I feel useful!
- Math - for the first time, I don't always feel like I'm perpetually struggling to catch up with the rest of the class! I'm not devoting all my energy and time to school anymore! And research is actually going alright! I am very grateful for that.
- Cooking - I used to be able to make good dishes. Inconsistently. More so now, I feel like I can whip up a meal without too much effort
5 comments:
Good to hear from you again, Jesse. I must admit, I don't really understand your second and third paragraphs, so we'll have to talk about that. Re: getting older, a man told me this summer "Your 20s is a bad time to figure out what you want to do with your life. It's a good time to determine what you *don't* want to do. If you've figured out what you want to do for the rest of your life by the time you're 40, you're ahead of the curve." Advice from 70-year-olds is often useful.
sounds like things aren't going too horribly wrong :P
just kidding. they seem well :) (but always there's room to improve :P)
haven't seen you around at all! except for that one time on the drag when you were with those two girls ;P
i think im having troubles with your number two as well.
and interesting if not useful advice from mithun
-wayne
I think I can relate the most to your #1. I learned far more about philosophy and science before I learned about Christianity (didn't grow up in it), and for that reason my approach to faith seems to be consistently overly cerebral. I'm not sure whether in the end it turns out to be a virtue or a vice, but I am glad to see that there's a growing movement that takes both biblical scripture and science/logic seriously, without resulting in the watered down pseudo-faith that is popular in some areas. Unfortunately, there will always be those who, no matter what, will call my faith "pseudo faith", at least in their hearts, if I don't fit their model of what a true Christian should be.
Jesse! You're still in grad school? Last stage of life? pshaw. I would say time most able to explore.
You're finally at a point that you know your abilities and interests - pursue your passions! I think its scary that people tend to do their best work between 20 - 40 (after all, this is roughly the time where there are fewer distractions and poeple have the most energy.)
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